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CIVILLY WED, WANTING CHILD BAPTIZEDQUESTION: "During my daughter's pregnancy, she and her non-Catholic boyfriend were civilly married. The parish office said her infant child was 'ineligible' for baptism until her marriage was 'blessed'. Would you help me as her father to understand this and offer some suggestions? I would greatly appreciate it."ANSWER:
UNDER THE circumstances you have described, the Sacrament of Baptism becomes a sensitive subject in the lives of Catholic families. Understand that the parish Fathers are correct in asking the young couple to be married in the Church. The “blessing” of a marriage in the Church is their exchange of vows at the altar according to the marriage rite of the Church. REMEMBER, THE ministry of priesthood in the Catholic Church expressly exists for the purpose of teaching the faithful and upholding the Christian norms—the integrity—of the Roman Catholic Church. In making this request, the parish priests are speaking the truth about sin and grace. "MOMENT" OF CATECHESISTHE YOUNG couple, by asking for baptism, are acknowledging their commitment to the Christian faith—specifically the Catholic religion. The parish fathers need to discern what the Christian commitment and its consequences mean to them. This is the “moment” of catechesis and pastoral ministry. YOUR DAUGHTER and her husband are committing grave sin—fornication. By marrying outside the Church, your daughter severed her communion within the Church. She may no longer receive the sacraments—the life of the Church—until she and her husband repent of their sin and become reconciled to Christ and his bride, the Church. NEVER DO EVILTHE SOLID rock on which Christ built his Church is truth. By standing on the rock of truth, we are enabled to live a holy way of life. The foundational truth by which Christians may live a holy way of life is this moral law: Never do evil that good may come of it. [cf. Rom 3:8] IF, AS a father, you cooperated in your daughter’s and her husband’s sinful action—by encouraging them to marry outside the Church by commission or omission—you have sinned gravely and need to repent and receive God’s forgiveness in the Sacrament of Confession. For how can a sinner help a sinner?
HOUSE IN ORDERBY BEING reconciled to God and having their marriage blessed in the Church, they would be united in grace and no longer divided in sin. You and your daughter want to do what is right for your grandchild. The first and best thing the child’s parents can do is get their own spiritual house in order—by exchanging their vows of marriage at the altar of the Church in the presence of their priest. KEEPING ALL this in mind, priests should be patient with young persons like your daughter who may not understand what their Christian faith requires. Gentle and sensitive pastoral care is vitally important in the lives of young people. Otherwise, they may perceive the Church as a heartless bureaucracy indifferent to the welfare of their unbaptized children. They may become discouraged and leave our faith community. This would be a great loss for everyone. PERSONAL STORYTHE FACT that the mother and father approached the Church for baptism is good. It indicates forward movement on their part. IF YOUR daughter and her husband were members of my parish, I would speak to them in these or similar words, You are bringing your child to Christ. I will help you, and I will baptize your child. But, thankfully, we need not be in a hurry. I would then ask the couple to share their personal story with me. This would give me an opportunity to know them and to collaborate with them in discerning God’s will for their lives. GOLDEN THREADI WOULD ask, "With respect to faith and the Church, what can you be doing to help one another come closer to Christ?" (The hoped-for answer in this case would be their desire to exchange vows of matrimony in the Church and to participate fully in parish life. As clergy responsible for the souls entrusted to them by the bishop, we must emphasize the importance of prayer. PRAYER IS the golden thread God weaves through all our challenges and difficulties—mending tears, patching what has frayed, repairing brokenness, and binding wounds—all according to his design. No human frailty is greater than God and beyond the reach of a prayerful solution. But we must trust God and depend on him for everything we need—“Give us this day our daily bread.” HABIT OF LIFEMAKING SUNDAY Mass a habit in their lives is ultimately the most critical commitment of all, even if your daughter is unable to receive Holy Communion for the present. If the couple embraces the love of the eternal Christ in his Eucharist, they will experience first-hand how Jesus as divine groom loves his bride the Church. WITH THIS said, I would recommend setting two or three appointments with them to deepen our fellowship, to help them learn more of the content of their Catholic faith, to encourage them in the habit of Sunday Mass (warmly welcoming them whenever I see them), and to share with them what the Christian community believes about marriage and baptism and why it matters. I would make the effort to get them rooted in the parish in whatever ministry or activity that appeals to them. CONVALIDATIONSINCE YOUR daughter and her husband are civilly married, they would need to be prepared for the Rite of Marriage, perhaps a weekend marriage retreat, time with an experienced Sponsor Couple, and time with their priest. They would need to fill out the standard forms required for marriage. A marital questionnaire could be very helpful. THE "BLESSING" of their marriage in the Church is called a "convalidation" (prefix con meaning with) which means to "validate" a marriage that has already taken place. A convalidation is typically done at the altar. The ceremony takes about twenty minutes, consisting essentially of the exchange of vows, blessing of rings (optional) and the nuptial blessing and prayers. NOT A FULL WEDDINGTHE MARRIAGE ceremony would not be a full traditional wedding. Attire would be dress-casual. A convalidation is a short ceremony, a "validation" for couples who chose to be married civilly and present themselves to the community as a married couple apart from the Church. IF THE young man has received Christian baptism in his own faith community, the convalidation would be sacramental. If he is not baptized, then their wedding may be convalidated (legitimized) in the Church, but it could not attain its sacramental character until the moment of his receiving the Sacrament of Baptism. "SERIOUS DUTY"I SHARE with you an excerpt from “Instruction on Infant Baptism” no. 28 from the Vatican’s Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith:
IN CLOSING, pleased be assured of my prayers for your family. You have found the right road. Walk hand in hand with Christ and his Church. The spiritual journey in life is best traveled by measured steps not by impatient leaps and bounds.
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